I Wish I Knew

I wish I knew it was okay:

That I didn’t excel at sports.

That I didn’t have a boyfriend.

That I wasn’t a part of the “in” crowd.

I wish I didn’t believe the lies I told myself:

If only I was thinner.

If only I was prettier.

If only just one of the popular guys asked me out.

I wish I understood how much it mattered:

That I was a child of God.

That I could be my unique self.

That it wasn’t all about me.

Holding me captive to:

My thoughts.

My emotions.

My perspective only.

Consumed with:

My insecurities.

My desires.

My reputation.

Keeping me from:

Trying again after I failed.

Enjoying all that God had given me.

Showing kindness to someone who needed it.

God, forgive me for:

Not listening.

Not believing.

Not considering Your plan.

Thank You, God, for:

Redeeming me.

Loving me.

Accepting me.

Please God, during her teenage years,

Spare her from believing the same lies.

Open her eyes to see what You see.

Give her faith and courage to trust You.

To know deep within that she:

Is special.

Is wonderful.

Is beautiful.

Vivi Tómasdóttir has lived in California and Oregon most of her life, most recently moving from the bay area to the Willamette Valley with her family. She accepted Jesus early in life, but doubted her salvation on and off as a teenager before realizing that it was about what Jesus did and was doing in her life, not if she prayed the “right” words when she was in third grade. Since her kids are a little older now, she is thankful to have more time to bake, write, and be in the garden, especially tending to her lavender.

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