2 Lies that Leave Me Stuck in Fear

I was five years old. I had already been asleep for a while, but the deep night was about to be disturbed. I woke with a start to thunder crashing over our house and lightning illuminated my room. When I realized my sister had left her bunk and I was alone, I grabbed my blanket and ran through the house to my parents’ room.

A lamp was on and they were awake talking while my mom was rubbing my sister’s back. I threw my blanket on the floor and buried my face in it, praying out loud “God, please make this thunderstorm stop!” Not sure what to do next I kept my head in my blanket and waited. It was silent. I jumped up from my crouched position and exclaimed to my family, “I prayed that God would make the thunderstorm stop, and it did right when I said stop!”

Keri Nikkel Fear

Oh to have faith like a child. It is crazy for me to think about that story sometimes and remember how I felt in that moment. Scared out of my mind, but confident in my God. As an adult, trust like that hasn’t come as easy. When fear comes upon me, God isn’t always the first one I turn to and it’s taken me a long time to realize that. I do pray about my fears, but I don’t always have an open hand when I am giving them to Him. After realizing this I dug deep into my heart as to why I don’t always fully trust God with my fear and two main reasons have stood out.

Lie 1: I believe the lie that God doesn’t care or is too busy for me.

Of all the things in the world that He must be paying attention to, why would he care about my fear? Surely there are more pressing matters, especially when many times my fear ends up being irrational. So I shrug it off and think it’s not important enough to bother Him with. But Peter reminds us in 1 Peter 5:7 to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”.

As a parent, I have seen my young son fall down many times and the first thing he does (after getting up, of course) is run to me. While I don’t relish in the fact that my child is hurting, it makes my heart swell knowing that He comes to me for comfort. There is a reason God is referred to as “Father”, He loves us and wants us to come to Him with our worries and fears.

Fear Keri Nikkel (1)

 

Lie 2: God can’t handle it.

It’s hard to see that written, but it happens to me often. I get wrapped up in the “what ifs” and details. My mind spins, and I can’t find a solution to change something or make it go away. It paralyzes me and coaxes me to think that God surely can’t do anything. But that is not what is shown all throughout the Bible. David, for example, did not question whether God was mighty enough to help him defeat Goliath. Saul was trying to keep him from fighting the giant since he was just a boy and David replied, “The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” 1 Samuel 17:37

Whatever our fear is, our God is bigger. I’m still not great at handing Him my fears, I am stubborn and tend to want to control the outcome. But as I spend more time with the Lord reflecting on scripture and all He has done in my life, I remember that He is the one in control. As David says in Psalm 27:1, “The LORD is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” We may not be able to control the frightening storms that disturb the peace of our lives, but we can trust in a mighty God who loves us.


KeriKeri is a wife and stay at home mom. God has, and is, using many situations to teach her to abide in Him. She believes we are all given a story that can help encourage others and hopes to offer hers as an encouragement to you.
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How Resting in Christ Freed Me from Bitterness

Growing up in the church, I was always told God was good and that He loves us, and I didn’t question it for a second. It wasn’t until I was an adult enduring infertility when I began wrestling with those concepts.

“God, are you good?”

“Do you see me?”

“Why does everyone get to move forward and I’m stuck here confused and hurting?”

I wanted answers. Answers from doctors and from God, and I wasn’t getting any from anyone. I found myself bitter, angry, and confused. All I wanted my entire life was to be a mother, and it didn’t look promising.

I searched scriptures. I prayed. I sobbed on my living room floor, grappling to understand what God could be doing. I couldn’t find peace and was resentful. In despair I watched friends and family share pregnancy and birth announcements. I found myself constantly frustrated wanting to control anything that I could, and avoided women’s gatherings not being able to bear any more talk about child rearing. It wasn’t until I did a study about abiding (resting) in Christ that I came to a place where I understood God’s heart regarding my suffering.

Keri Nikkel BitternessIn Andrew Murray’s book “Abide in Christ” he says: “Abide in Christ! This is indeed the Father’s object in sending the trial. In the storm the tree strikes deeper roots in the soil; in the hurricane the inhabitants of the house abide within, and rejoice in its shelter. So by suffering the Father would lead us to enter more deeply into the love of Christ.”

Oh. He wasn’t being spiteful or showing me that I had upset Him. He was asking me to come to Him, like a child running to their father for protection. I had been carrying my burdens and they were weighing me down. All the while thinking I was alone, He was actually walking with me, gently inviting me to bring Him my sorrows and rest in Him. I won’t pretend that my heart changed overnight, and that magically my bitterness and frustration disappeared. But with each day choosing to trust God with my deepest desires, He drew me deeper into peace with Him.

Bitterness Keri NikkelJesus says: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

After placing my hope in Christ instead of an answer, my heart was filled with joy in what had been the most painful time of my life. Our God is a God who redeems, He did have a plan for me to be a mother although it was not the way I initially anticipated. Our whole journey was preparing us for adoption, and I am so thankful for it. Had I held onto my pain and bitterness I would not have been open to what has become my greatest blessing. Yes, at times I do still mourn not bearing a child. But, now knowing I can trust God with my deepest desires, I know that His plan is greater than my own I have found peace in His will.


7c7d0-24955437073_d41206ac70_oKeri is a wife and stay at home mom. God has, and is, using many situations to teach her to abide in Him. She believes we are all given a story that can help encourage others and hopes to offer hers as an encouragement to you.