Boldness is probably about one of the last words that anyone would ever use to describe me. I am the most introverted, least likely to ruffle feathers, go with the flow kind of person, and always have been. Occasionally, I will speak up boldly when something is really important to me and if the conditions are exactly right, and I am comfortable with the people around me. Even growing up as the oldest of four children, I mostly let my siblings dictate what would happen. Recently I discovered that I am a 9 on the Enneagram, the “people pleaser” and as I slowly learn more about what this means, I am realizing more and more how true this is of me.
Over a year ago, I boldly left my comfort zone at a job I had for fifteen years to follow where I felt God was calling me. In some ways, even as scary as this was, I trusted that things would fall into place, not thinking that God would lead me on a journey to the wilderness, unlike anything I had imagined. Things didn’t even go remotely as planned, and that’s when my faith and my prayers had to become bold.
This last year of my life has been anything but easy. It has also been the time of my life when I have been most real with God. Gone are the timid, safe prayers, as I realize He is there for me, He created me, He knows what I’m going through, and I can be real with Him more than any other. There have been many questions, words of frustration, a lot of “Fix it, Jesus.” What is Your plan in this?,” and “Help me understand.”
I know that my Savior can handle my messy life and messy faith. I know that because of the blood of Jesus, I can boldly approach His throne and be my real self, bringing confusion, fears, as well as laughter and tears. I was reminded of this blessing recently when I was reading Exodus.
In a way, Moses was the middle man in God’s plan for his people. When Pharaoh refused to let the people go, God spoke to Moses, who then told Aaron to tell the people. Again, on Mount Sinai, only Moses could be in the presence of God as He gave the ten commandments. The people had to trust God through Moses and Aaron as they escaped slavery and seemed to be aimlessly wandering in the desert. We often fault them for failing and not trusting, yet how often do I do the same, even when I have the privilege of going directly to the Father myself?
In Exodus 28, Aaron was named as High Priest, the middle man between the people and God. When Jesus came to earth, died on the cross, and resurrected as a sacrifice from God the Father for us, Jesus became the final High Priest. This means, that because of Jesus, we have access to the throne of God. Jesus intercedes for us. 1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness and into his marvelous light.”
God often uses music in my life, to put into words what I’m thinking and feeling, or to teach me more of who He is and who He has created me to be. The song Boldly I Approach by Rend Collective has been on repeat in my life lately. The words demonstrate the love that Jesus has for us and how blessed we are to approach the throne of God.
“By grace alone somehow I stand
Where even angels fear to tread
Invited by redeeming love
Before the throne of God above
He pulls me close with nail- scarred hands
Into his everlasting arms…
Boldly I approach Your throne
Blameless now I’m running home
By your blood I come
Welcomed as your own
Into the arms of majesty.”
Because of this truth, I can boldly approach my Father in prayer, bringing my real self, not having to make things pretty and pleasing to people. I know that Jesus is interceding for me through my confusion, yet my faith is becoming more real and secure at the same time. Life may not look like I thought it would, but I can boldly move into whatever the future holds. I’m hoping for less desert and more promised land, but even if God has more wandering ahead, I know He hears, sees, and cares for me. Day by day God conquers fear and shows himself trustworthy. Day by day He makes my faith bold.
Karly Grant is a 30-something, single, Enneagram 9, follower of Jesus who likes to keep life entertaining and real. The circumstances of the last few years of her life have held many twists and turns, but she can’t wait to see where God leads. She has a heart for adoption and is waiting to see where the Lord guides her on this path. She can often be found in a coffee shop, curled up with a good book, or spending quality time laughing and having fun with her family and friends.