Waiting.

It just DOES NOT have the same connotation as the word “anticipation.” With the latter, it seems like a positive thing, but waiting? It just drags on and on. I hate it. I hate waiting. I have yet to hear someone say, “Oh, how I love waiting!”, so I am confident I’m not alone.

Although, I’m someone who rarely makes decisions without tons of Google research, I don’t usually make decisions slowly. Once I’ve decided something should happen, I like for it to happen immediately. Whether it’s a significant life change or a Pinterest project, I am ready now.

My husband and I are in an interesting season…we are waiting. After a sudden and unexpected job change six months ago, he’s in a temporary position while we prepare ourselves for what we hope will be a permanent career change for him. It’s almost for sure, but it’s not. Waiting.

Part of the reason I despise waiting is that there is all that extra time for something to fall through. Someone could change their mind. Circumstances could change. I don’t want to trust God with these details.

Yet in the midst of all this, we have seen the sure hand of God guiding every step of the way. Of all the times in my life, this waiting time has uniquely felt that God’s hand was guiding. And, now, having brought us this far, God has us waiting. There is nothing to do, no task to accomplish. It’s painful to realize just how heavily I depend on my to do list to provide comfort. It gives me a semblance of control. But right now, in this situation, there is nothing to control. I feel like we are treading water in the middle of the ocean, and I wish there was a nice pillar I could grab onto.

I know God is in the middle of this. He already knows what is going to happen. And since I have nothing I can do while we wait for something for that phone call, I can only cling to the truth found in His Word. Frequently, I visualize myself clutching at His robe, begging Him to help me to trust. I hate waiting. It requires so much trust and courage.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” ~ Psalm 27:14

David, the writer of those words, did a lot of waiting. He waited for God to use him. He waited for God to punish his enemies so David could safely return home. He didn’t know what the years would contain.

I don’t know the outcome or what the next few months will look like. If I’m honest with myself, I’m afraid. But I have my Jesus. He is worthy of my trust. He can handle my doubt. And He will give me courage.

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